Due to overwhelming requests for me to post about the “DICE GAME” that my friend, the Ham, has mentioned in recent feedback, here goes.
On a cool, February afternoon in the year 2002, I hopped in my car and headed for the lush, rolling hills of scenic Champaign, Illinois. I was off to visit Brian Gillham (Ham), and the occasion that drew me to this industrial paradise, possessing a beauty only challenged by Disney movies and Ansel Adams photography, was the 21st birthday of a friend quickly approaching on the horizon.
Upon arrival, the usual activities commenced. Get some food, meet some people, drink some beers is usually how it plays out. As far as I can remember, Friday played out pretty much by the book, probably ending with a trademark Gillham blackout at a bar, and maybe capped off by some late night Pokey Sticks, or some Dewey's cheese fries. Mmmmmm Cheese Fries! Saturday, however, would prove to be different.
Lurking in the alcohol ridden depths of Ham's head laid the instructions to one of the greatest games ever to grace the world of binge drinking. A game that yields no winners or losers, a game that showcases the meaning of helping a friend out in need, a game requiring little to no skill, a game with no boundaries -- an even playing field of love with no conceivable end in sight. As is the case with many drinking games, the origins are unknown. Everyone has games they know, with their own slight variations or rules, and these games get passed through the drinking generations. So was the way of what lay inside Ham, begging to come out and play on a rainy Saturday night.
We made our way to a party, expecting the usual keg, cards, and wannabe white kids dancing to top 40 songs. As the party moved along, we found ourselves gathered around a long, rectangle table, playing some worn out game with an over-dramatic title like "circle of death" or "slam-pig pyramid of pain". As the game rapidly began to suck, the storm outside began to gather steam. Just then, a huge blast of thunder shook the house like that ghetto sled that just rolled by with the kickers in the back and the 22 inch spinners. That is when I saw the glint in his eye.
Ham abruptly left the game and shot over to the kitchen where he grabbed some dice. Two for the game, and perhaps one for backup. On his way back to the table, his walk reminded me of the slow motion scene in Reservoir Dogs. He commanded two girls to fill up a few pitchers, and asked one of the residents for what he referred to as "a center cup". Everyone knew he wanted to call it a chalice, but silence had overtaken everyone -- we were just spectators now. Like Michael Jordan quarterbacking a play in the famed triangle offense, Ham arranged everyone around the table, leaving equal distance between everyone. Then he laid the dice on the table. No one knew what was coming, but everyone was eager to find out. What did this slightly drunk, deacon of the dice, have up his sleeve? What are we going to do without cards? Dice don't have red dots and black dots. He placed the "center cup" oddly enough, in the center of the table and filled it to the first line. Ham was King Arthur that night, and we were all his knights of the rectangle table. Arthur then began explaining the rules...
Take the dice, roll them, if you don't roll 7, 11 or doubles, pass them to the left. If you do, don't touch them, and choose someone to drink. Whoever you choose to drink must then grab the center cup, finish the contents, and place the empty cup back on the table. The original roller must pick up the dice after and only after the assigned drinker touches the center cup. The roller begins rolling and must try and roll 7, 11 or doubles before the drinker places the empty cup back on the table. If the roller successfully rolls, the cup is re-filled and they square off again. If the drinker wins, the dice move to the left.
-At any point after a drinker is appointed, any player in the game can steal the center cup, and try and finish its contents. If a successful steal is executed on the first try, he or she receives the dice. If the steal attempt fails, keep on drinking until you beat the roller.
-If snake eyes are rolled, the center cup is filled with "double beer" for the next roll, and the game proceeds.
-If double six is rolled, the roller may assign a beer bitch, whose duties include filling the center cup, filling pitchers, and generally doing anything else the table requests within reason.
-If the current roller rolls the dice (even one) off the table, it is known as "sloppy dice", sloppy dice is bad. Drink a full beer. Lose your turn.
...and so the game goes until the beer is gone, or no one can play anymore. At the time, it was simply referred to as "dice game." Months later, in a glorious tribute to the 1964 recipient of the Presidential Medal of Freedom, the game would be dubbed "Helen Keller". Some say the name was changed because people have been known to lose their sense of sight, or hearing after a long bout with the demons of the dice, but no one will ever really know.
Just as Helen Keller touched the lives of many, we ask you to keep the legend alive by passing this spectacular game down through the generations.
Play like a gentleman, and please, don't throw sloppy dice.
-schrags