Out of the Loop

After the little guys I coach lost the last game of their spring league season (we finished with 1 win).  I headed over to Chief O'Neills to grab some dinner and catch up with Kathleen.  After enjoying some excellent soup and a decent sandwich, I watched as a very pregnant woman effortlessly threw down two pints of beer.  After enjoying the frothy beverages, she proceeded to let everyone caress her belly to feel the baby kicking inside.  Was the unborn fetus inside kicking because it enjoyed the smooth taste of Stella Artois, or because it knew it might become an alcohol induced retard in a few months??

Can you get off yourself for 9 months and not have a beer while your pregnant?  Have a Cherry Coke or something.

My night was complete when I walked in on the last sentence of a W.T. conversation in the men's bathroom which went a little something like “aww shit, tattoos and a massage, I like the sound of that combination.”  Bet you do, Captain of the Mulleteers, bet you do.

-schrags

I actually had a similar incident happen to me earlier this week Schrags. Allow me to retort.

Every once in a great while, i grace the bustling town of Oneida, IL with my presence. After a wonderfully fixed meal was shoveled down my throat, Jenny decides that we are "goin' out." Two thoughts immediately strike me... 1: "FUCK!," 2: "Sweet, this will be cheap fun." Complete opposites, I know. I shall explain.

Although neighboring towns of Oneida have some really cheap beer, there is no price small enough for the personalities one must deal with to enjoy yourself. As is true with Galesburg, IL. First place that we patroned was "The Corner Connection." The only connection made at this place is between old NASCAR buddies and their love of all things Anheuser-Busch. Next we go to a place called the Olive (I think, I cant remember due to the pure trash distracting me from the outside). They actually charged me cover, for this was the "club" of the town. The first person I saw when I walked in was at least 400lbs. No lie. The next girl in line was pregnant and wearing "goin' out clothes." Who are you trying to get with? Oh wait, I seem to have forgotten where I was.

Ok, she was probably 17...fine.. She was pregnant...fine, but not rare. She had slut clothes on...fine, but disturbing and also probably not rare. But then the soft pack of camel (milds, not that it matters) in her hand is not fine. Either is the one she was smoking.

Now I am not one to talk. I have smoked my fair share of cigarettes in my day. I never liked the dolphin-safe tuna motherfucker who told me that I was killing myself. I know I'm slowly dying, trust me. I embraced this risk. I have since quit the addiction and feel much stonger for doing it myself.

This is the first time I got extremely mad at a smoker. I know this probably happens all the time, but I have never truly witnessed anyone so ignorant and uneducated. Maybe she is being paid by the conspiracy ridden tobacco company? But probably not. Maybe she is trying to breed a superhuman whose only fuel is that sweet leaf? Possible. Whatever. There can be many reasons.

To conclude, I was just drunk enough to say something to this girl about killing her unborn child. But then the light bulb turned on. She is probably from a long line of mothers who smoked and made their children retarded. Who am i to break tradition? One day this child might possibly turn 18, and the cycle can continue only to shock "city-folk" such as myself. I truly feel I have been enlightened and hopefully many others can be touched by this FUCKIN' DUMBASS.

Natural selection is a beautiful thing...

and im out,
HAM

Great post Hamilton, nothing is more fun than people watching in a trash laden bar. Well, maybe people watching in a trash laden six flags amusement park. At least there you can also ride on the rides.

-schrags