Out of the Loop

Last weekend, feeling like I needed a little Ham in my life, I once again ventured to the plush digs of Champaign, Illinois.  I made record time on the way down there Friday night, and didn't eat dinner because I was planning on hitting' up Dewey's when I got there.  Well friends, Dewey's didn't happen.  Turns out Dewey's was recently sold, and their parking lot now houses a giant realtor's sign.  Bad.

With our vision clouded from the sheer disappointment, Ham and I decided to grab a quick bite at the BK Lounge (Burger King not British Knights).  I had recently had one of their new chicken sandwiches, and it was fairly decent, so I figured I'd just get that.  Rookie mistake.  Burger King featured one man behind the register, manning both the drive through and the main counter.  I think I saw someone operating the “flame grilling“ microwave in the back too, but I could be mistaken.  After weaving through countless young, African American kids, I got to the counter.  Keeping it simple, I ordered the “TenderCrisp Chicken” value meal.  Easy enough, right?  Wrong.  It was anything but tender.  I take my order to go, and we head back to the apartment.  Now, a normal “TenderCrisp Chicken“ sandwich from BK features chicken, lettuce, tomato, and mayo.  Mine, however, did not.  The intelligence community behind the counter at BK decided mayo really meant as much thousand island dressing as could be piled onto a bun.  Bad.  After suffering through my horrible sandwich, and enjoying some quality RBI baseball on TV, the night picked up.

Later that evening I was introduced to a new term.  “Live Steel.”  Newton stopped by after work, and was complaining about her gothic, medieval garb wearing, knife carrying, weirdo roommate for the summer.  Turns out her roommate and her other weirdo, garb clothed friends like to go into the woods late in the evening to light fires, drink, and re-enact medieval battles with assorted weaponry of the time.  Scary.  If at any point during the battles “live steel” is shouted, it means that a live weapon is out in the open, and for everyone to proceed with extreme caution.  Also scary.  When asked if they ever had to take anyone to the hospital because someone got clipped with some steel, she said “No, not really.  We've had to take people in for alcohol poisoning way more times.”  Hmmm.  Maybe you're drowning your sorrows in a bottle because you realized you're in in the woods in the middle of the night dressed like Shakespeare and playing with knives.

Next time, just fall onto the fire.
schrags

Schrags,

I applaud you articulate and concise writing on a wide array of topics. Your uncanny ability to provide insight on such a smorgasboard of topics is unparrellel in the forum of blogs. Your unsatiable appetite for unique and provacative stories is commendable. However, I have found a very intersting piece of work. I am at a lost for words. I was curious if perhaps you would be able to tackle this website. Hopefully, you can provide some much needed opinions on this website. Please note the amazing attention to detail that went into creating this website. (i.e. the stretch tile background that was well thought out, which appears to be a breath-taking scenic picture of a cold winter at dusk. Also, note the well groomed hair and the trendy designer bugle boy and or Ocean Pacific designer dress attire. ----below is the website--

http://www.xsunderground.com/thechilde/

or if that doesnt work

http://www.kidblount.com/


ps ther should be a wave file playing in the background in one of them

Thanks for your help
naughton

that is so fucking disturbing. i feel i should stalk him just because he put his email on the site like that. who would date an eleven year old first of all. especially one with the creepiest voice ever.

nice fuckin mullet too.

the world is a crazy place.

THE HAM

Nicholas,

Tremendous thanks for your kind words. I appreciate the extensive support you bring to this blog. It couldn't be half the site it is without your humorous feedback and verbose contributions. Upon visiting the links you provided us with, I decided that I couldn't top your description of our little mulleteering friend. If he is considering a career in web-design and Internet technology, I think he might be able to go straight from grade school to the pros. No high school or college necessary. Streaming audio, a unique color scheme, high-resolution graphics. Simply magnificent.

Keep the feedback coming, and I can't thank you enough for the grass-roots like following you bring to the blog. It doesn't go unnoticed my friend. It doesn’t go unnoticed.

schrags