Out of the Loop

My office is located in Arlington Heights, IL.  We share a lovely one level office complex with some of today's finest corporations.  To our left we are flanked by the prestigious Great Clips Training Center, and to our diagonal left we have a straight shot view of the Nail Technicians Academy.  I often find it hard to go into work because I feel so inferior to the massive intellect surrounding our little office.

The back parking lot is full today, it only means one thing.  Training Day.  A Great Clips training day is a day like no other.  The parking lot is filled with countless Mitsubishi Eclipses and Pontiac Sunfires, each one sporting a different variation of the classy, "I'm a Princess" license plate cover or even worse, a vanity plate spelling it out..."PRNCSS88".  Sheer royalty.  The princesses themselves flaunt large nails, tan skin and bleached hair, and talk in an elegant "this is just like college, right?" dialect.  It really is priceless.  I'd recommend the people watching to anyone.

The best part of a training day is when I get to walk past a training session in progress.  They all gather round the overhead projector and I guess the head "clipper" explains to them what it really means to give someone a "Great Clip."  After the overhead session, they spread out along the perimeter of the room and each trainee gets one creepy mannequin head to practice on.  These mannequin heads don a nice wig of flowing hair and the trainees get their clip on.  I often wonder where the hair comes from, and if it is actually real.  Doubtful, but creepy nonetheless.  They style and gel and clip away until their creation is complete, all while the head clipper walks around and comments on their technique.  Most of the heads sit on a shelf spanning the outer wall of the room, but a few select candidates get to use the tripod heads and cut near the center of the classroom.  Oh how I'd love to sit in on one of these sessions.  "Great use of the finger hold there Sheila...Excellent bangs Becky..." I can only imagine.

We often enjoy opening the windows to our office, especially on a nice day, to get a good breeze flowing and enjoy some fresh air.  This is not the case on a training day.  Within seconds of opening any window it immediately smells like we're 2 hours deep into the plant tour at Philip Morris.  These ladies (and the occasional man) smoke their little princess lungs out. Quite gross.

And now, onto our neighbors to the north.  The Nail Technicians Academy.  What a place.  I am not exaggerating when I say that at any given point during normal business hours, if you look out our front window there will be at least two people taking a smoke break from the Academy.  At least two, often many more, smock and all, fresh out of French manicure class I'm sure.  They're out there, toting their caboodles on wheels and discussing the latest and greatest in "I barely graduated high-school" culture.  I wish I could set up a web-cam to show you.

Please kids, stay in school.
schrags

I think someone is painting their nails in our cube-pen this morning. Yuck! I hope the Nail Academy has some scent-proof walls.

The Nail and Great Clips institutions are the Flagship schools for beautician hopefuls across the country. Like you alluded to earlier, not everyone is qualified for such a prestigious institute. The admission counselors are steadfast in their approach to weed out the plethora of unqualified applicants.  Thousands of Applications flood the admission office each year in hopes of being selected.  All applicants have a burning desire to meet the challenges of such a rigorous program and to have the opportunity to interact with world renown hair-stylers.  In fact, 97% of graduates go on to become shift managers at Great Clips throughout the country.  This is fascinating that such highly qualified and educated individuals would opt to pursue a career at Great Clips.  It is not uncommon for recent graduates from the Great Clips institution to fore-go jobs at NASA and the CIA, in order to pursue a distinguished career at Great Clips.
    The last time I had the opportunity to indulge in the amenities of a Great Clips, the beautician was fascinating and very astute.  I believe I sparked a conversation about the background music of the salon which happened to be Eddie and Jobo, (from "the Killer B -B96)  who were echoing off the art deco walls of the trendy great clips.  Much to my surprise, the beautician quickly changed the subject to her research project and PhD dissertation thesis.  Next thing you know, I found myself trying to keep up with incredible amounts of scientific jargon.  She was explaining how she had a interferometer in her car. Naturally, I asked her what an interferometer was and she erupted in laughter and turned to her distinguished colleague and said "Hey Stacey, he doesn't know what an interferometer is.  Right then and there, I sank into my plush leather coach edition chair (a staple in the great clips chain) and felt humiliated.  But, she quickly explained it was part of the research at the great clips institution.  She mumbled, (while popping her gum) "The system has been used to calibrate the submillimeter secondary support assembly, making as many as 5 separate measurements per linear axis. It was also used to linearize the sensors that track the mirror chopping motion. The system is used to calibrate all the linear motion in the AXAF mirror calibration." I said with laughter, wow...what does that mean in English, not all of us went to the Great Clips institution.  So she said well in lay mans terms, it means that I will use a #2 blade to cut your hair.  Who knew hair-cutting could be so technical.  Thank goodness they went through such rigorous training and know what they are doing.
    Anyways, it is my hope that one day I can attend training day to surround myself with future Nobel Laureates, Noble Prize winners, Ambassadors, and future members of Congress. Maybe the tireless work ethic and ambition that they exude will rub off on me. Also, I would not mind the financial perks that accompany a degree from either the nail or great clips institution.  For example, at great clips I overheard the beauticians in the break room asking if she should get her Lexus LS430 in black trim with walnut accent, or get cashmere trim with maple accent and dvd navigation. If that is your biggest decision of the day I think your having a pretty good year.  I wish I was faced with such decisions.However, it only seems fitting because after all they have gone to training day at great clips. I believe the cars outside the institution that you saw Shragz were students still in the program. The lack of luxury cars is a temporary sacrifice that all beginning scholars of the program must endure, due largely in part to the enormous tuition, which hovers around $39,000 a year.

Welcome back Nose, you were missed.

Nick,
Your copious commentary is rousing and superlative. I often suspire at the thought of you formulating a blog of your own.



Hook him up Schrags.

Nick

I concure with Gdog about you formulating your own blog. I think it would inspire many!!!!

jesus fucking christ. you sit there high and mighty with your highly 'intellectual' office job and all it appears you do is sit at your computer, and spend your day posting not so clever quips about people that you feel are your inferior. at least they aren't under any illusions of who they are. i doubt you even know what you're meant to be doing at your work, hence the spending all day at your window. if you feel so fucking intellegent why not try to post something insightful that will help to raise other's intellegence, your drivell is merely well worded gossip. hey i know, you'd be perfect to work in a salon, dont be offended, with your smarts you'd at least get a posh one.

Kathy, are you a graduate of the Academy??