Out of the Loop

For those of you who don't know, I coach little kids (9-10 year olds) hockey in Winnetka, IL. USA Hockey, the governing board of all things youth hockey in the US requires you complete a "Coaches Certification Clinic" every season until you move up to a certain level of certification. I'm not sure what level that is, but I hope I get there soon. Anyway, they offer various clinics in every state and you're supposed to register for the level you need, attend, and be certified. Certified means you get to be on the bench with the kids, and a half-inch square sticker on the back of your "USA Hockey Coaches Card" that says Level X. Very prestigious.

In Chicago, these clinics fill up very fast, so you have to register for them like they're White Sox World Series tickets, not fucking likely. I got lucky enough to register for a Chicago clinic, but unfortunately it was the same weekend as my friend Jim's wedding, so I couldn't attend. My coaching companion was also locked out of the Chicago clinics and it quickly became apparent we were going to have to go somewhere out of Illinois to get our certification. This, in itself, sucks horribly, but what sucked even worse was when he couldn't get into the same one I had registered for, eliminating the carpool angle.

Come Sunday, December 12th, 2004. I wake my ass up at 5:30 AM and hop in my car for the picturesque journey to Fond du Lac, Wisconsin. Now, if there's one good thing to come out of this trip, it was the McDonald's breakfast in Fond du Lac. Small towns have the best McDonald's because normal people work there, they speak English, aren't from the ghetto, and are generally very nice to you. The McDonald's bliss ended quickly. I must have hit 88 mph at some point during my drive because it seemed as though I had traveled back in time. I don't think I saw a car manufactured after 1993, local bars advertised Schlitz and PBR, and tapered denim was in full effect.

Good thing the clinic was on a Sunday. A Sunday during football season. A Sunday in a town less than 90 miles from Green Bay. Luckily I had my trusty beard, or I would have probably been lynched for not fitting in. The uniform in Wisconsin requires a beard, some sort of camouflage, 1990 or earlier issue tapered denim, construction boots, and a Packers hat, jersey, jacket or sweater. Then you need to say things in a funny accent using words like "idear", "the plant" or "fishing."

The clinic was absolutely miserable. You basically sit there from 8:00 until 4:00 in the same spot, with small 5 minute breaks every hour or so. They talk to you about things like concussions and hockey drills. Finally, you're so excited to be done that it takes you a few moments to realize you have to drive back through hell, and hopefully hit 88 mph on the way home to return to civilization as you know it.

schrags

Fond du Lac?

I dunno Lloyd, the French are assholes.

All I recall of Fond du Lac is that it is one of those small towns on the way up to Door County Wisconsin.

-helm

Fond du Lac, WI is where the Conference USA's Diener family is from. Travis Diener and Drake Diener who are both seniors at Marquette and DePaul respectively grew up in this Wisconsin town.

Travis had 31 points on Saturday when Marquette beat Wisconsin. His brother Drake Diener had 19 points in DePaul's win at Notre Dame ths past Saturday.

On a side note, Travis and Drake's cousin Drew Diener is DePaul's graduate assitant coach this season. Drew played basketball at St. Louis University and graduated in 2003.

Fond du Lac might suck but it does not seem to Lack basketball talent.

Sorry about the double post, but I was mistaken above. Travis and Drake are cousins. Drew and Drake are brothers.

If it helps, I've been certified in Kansas....some first aid and then something else. It was the big time there. If I remember right, I went hungover and pissed off, and I still passed. Good luck!

What town are you from? Fondy is a great place to live and to raise a family. I think that if you would have spent more time there and not had a sour attitude when you showed up, then it would have been better. Lets face it, you didn't want to be there.

At least there are no tolls in Wisconsin!!!

Next time you NEED to get certified, TRY FINDING A PLACE IN ILLINOIS - WISCONSIN DOESN'T WANT YOU!
Next time you need to get away to great vacation sites & fishing lakes, TRY FINDING THEM IN ILLINOIS - WISCONSIN DOESN'T WANT YOU!
Next time you want to see a professional football game with the best fans in the world, TRY FINDING THEM IN ILLINOIS - WISCONSIN DOESN'T WANT YOU!
And Wisconsin people ARE normal === the people who work here speak English (as well as a huge variety of other languages), aren't from the ghetto, and are generally very nice to you... unlike too many places in traffic-jammed, boring, flat, non-descript Illionois!

I've lived in Chicago, and California === THEY suck ... Fondy rocks!!!

Fond du Lac fan

Glad to see we have some "Fondy" fans here. You guys are welcome to your opinion, and I enjoy reading your comments. I have much love for many parts of Wisconsin, and there are even parts of Illinois that I think are probably much worse than "Fondy." So slow down, and please relax. Obviously the big city life wasn't cut out for you, but I don't think that's any reason to ban me entirely from your state. Illinois still likes you, even if you don't like Chicago.

If your kids could read your blog, what would they think? You are an ass.