It has been over one month since my last blog-session. I just haven't been inspired lately, but I'm going to try and give it a crack here. January hasn't brought much to me. I thought the Apprentice might do it, but it's just too soon for another round with the Donald and his product placement cronies. I thought The Bachelorette could be the one, but that got really lame, really fast. No rose for you. Nothing has really caught my attention, and I haven't encountered anything I felt was truly "blogworthy."
Last night was somewhat funny though. I went to "Crush" on Halsted to meet up with a few friends and watch my buddy play in the open mic. The place was absolutely dead, there were maybe 15-20 people in the normally crowded "open mic area." When I got there, the guy who was in charge of the whole deal was performing. He was a decent singer, but was one of those over the top type guitar players who adds weird techniques to his songs just because he can. Stuff like two handed finger tapping, weird tunings, and a completely unnecessary use of a slide. Congratulations boss, you can finger tap the whole song, why don't you try writing a good song to tap to first. He proceeded to be "shit-your-pants" annoying for the remainder of the evening, which climaxed when he passed out small pieces of paper urging you to visit his crappy website.
The crowd featured an interesting, but very standard, mix. There was the typical chubby girl who's there either because she just LOVES music that much, or is secretly in love with one of her friends that is going to play. Oddly enough, she had a video camera with her as well (she probably just LOVES music that much). The drunk kid in the corner who loves to SCREAM OUT, in between cigarettes, how much he loves all things alcohol, just HOW DRUNK he is tonight, and how cool it would be if you played Freebird. Don't forget his friend, the fat, music loving guitar player, who does the slow nod for every song that someone plays. You know the slow nod, where he casually looks around, and nods in appreciation because he knows EVERY SONG ever made, and "really digs" your attempt bro. There's also the "beer snob" who can be found at the bar, instructing the anorexic bartender just how to properly pour his "Blue Moon." Then, seated at the table directly in front of us were the very out of place "snuggling couple out on a date." Hey honey, let's go check out the dead open mic at Crush. We can sit at a table together, as close as humanly possible, caress each other, and kiss passionately between bad cover songs and the drunk kid telling us he just finished another beer. If only Valentine's Day could come earlier.
We had a few discussions at our table with Tony, our guitar slinging friend, and were asking him what he was going to play. He gave us the usual rundown, Radiohead, Fleetwood, pretty standard, but then he told us he was thinking about playing a song he wrote a while back called "Spic Bastard Nephew." If you know the story behind SBN, the song makes a whole lot more sense, but either way, it's a wonderfully written song about his brother's Hispanic son. It's hilarious, but it has a much deeper theme if you really give it a listen. This presents one of my questions of the evening. Is it ok to play a song containing racially sensitive material at an open mic? I think so, but he sure got a few weird looks, and website guy asked him "what that was all about." Tony replied, "it's about my spic bastard nephew." If you're ever around Tony, and he has a guitar nearby, ask him to play it, it's a great tune.
Moving along to my second question of the evening. Is it ok to ask the same person twice to bum a cigarette? My friend Walsh was gracious enough to bum the drunk kid a cigarette (even before the drunk kid offered him a whole quarter). Drunk kid leaves for a few minutes and then returns, only to ask for another cigarette. Walsh declined, and drunk kid offered up 2 whole quarters. Walsh said no again, despite the generous offering, and drunk kid asked why not. In the line of the evening, Walsh said "because I can't smoke your quarters, but I can smoke these cigarettes." Now that's "shit-your-pants" funny.
As this entry moves deeper into the depths of worthless, I must ask, do the drunk kid and the stoner guy share a cab to the bar? Seriously, you can't go somewhere without them. The last act of the evening was the sound guy, and he was playing a nice rendition of Paul Simon's "Late In The Evening." The bar was very empty by now, and I leaned to Walsh and said, I bet someone does something stupid when he says "and I stepped outside to smoke myself a j." Sure enough, right after "j" there was a lame cheer from some pot-loving dork at the bar. Where do these people come from?
schrags