Yesterday I returned from my second trip to Las Vegas, NV. Five of our six man group flew to Sin City via Southwest Airlines. I always hear people saying "flights to Vegas are dirt cheap" but the last two times I've gone my ticket has been at least $350 and that seems like a lot, especially for an airline that bills itself as a low cost carrier. Granted, it was Memorial Day weekend, but we bought the tickets well in advance and for the hell ride Southwest gives you, it seems like a bit much.
This trip to Vegas was better than the last one as soon as the plane touched the ground. We had an awesome time and our group came out well ahead. Naturally, we had to be punished for this great time, you can't bat .1000 all season, right? Our punishment came wrapped in a little, red and blue package called Southwest Airlines.
I'm usually knowledgeable of happenings in the business world, but I must have missed the recent merger between Six Flags and Southwest. From here on out, I'm re-branding Southwest Airlines as Six Flags Airlines. If you're unfamiliar with how the boarding process works with Six Flags, I'll break it down. Your boarding pass is issued with the letter A, B, or C. This letter dictates which line you'll be waiting in to board the plane. Seats on a Six Flags flight are open game, so if you pull Group C you're basically guaranteed a middle seat. A middle seat right in the heart of the circus waiting for you on board. Without much surprise, We pulled group C.
As we made our way onto the plane, we overheard the announcement echoing through the crowded jet way... "All baggage compartments are full, if you cannot find room for your carry-on luggage you'll have to check it at the door." Awesome. Six Flags doesn't stock real flight attendants, they have people in theme park uniforms and khaki shorts that specialize in passing out snack boxes. Normal flight attendants make sure passengers put their bag in the overhead bin the right way, so they aren't full before Group C gets on the plane. On Six Flags, not the case. Once the cattle call begins, you're on your own to fend for yourself among the herd. Luckily, I was able to rearrange a bin, and get my bag on the plane. My teammates weren't so lucky. I snagged a middle seat next to a harmless looking, sleeping girl and buckled up.
As I looked around the plane, it became obvious that the guy who holds the "you must be this tall to ride this ride" sign had taken the day off because there were kids everywhere. Were all these kids in Vegas for the weekend? Do parents really think Vegas is a good place to bring the kids? Desperately in need of some Z's on the flight, I couldn't wait to just pass out. My nap didn't last long before my sleeping neighbor started feeling the pain.
She must have been a little too drinky the night before because she had the barf bag out ASAP. Crouching over, making noises. Luckily, she never actually had to use the bag, but she did make two trips to the bathroom to let it fly. Very attractive. Very hard to sleep next to.
Shortly after sleeping beauty's first trip to the lav, the family of four to my left decided it was time for their youngest to watch some DVDs. Did they give her some headphones to enjoy such a treat? Nope, they just cranked up the volume to 11 and welcomed everyone nearby to the no napping section of the theme park, complete with singing farm animals and a sock puppet picnic. Combine that with daughter #2's Game Boy on full blast, and It was really enjoyable.
About six rows back was the classic, crying infant. Normally, I can deal with a crying baby because when they're that young, there's really nothing the parents can do, and usually they manage to calm down. What made this one so bad was the mother. Every little whimper the kid would let out was followed by an immediate, louder than the crying, "Sssssshhhhhh." I think the extensive shooshing was just making the baby cry more, and this went on for, well, the ENTIRE flight. Cry, sssshhhhh, cry, ssshhhhhhhhh.
I've always thought a hilarious skit for Will Ferrell would be him in a similar setting, with a crying baby nearby and Ferrell just going off on the parents and baby. "WOULD YOU PLEASE SHUT THAT MONSTER UP!" Over and over. I don't know, just try to picture it. You know it would be funny.
As we landed in Chicago, our ride operator informed us that we had some newlyweds on board, sitting mid-cabin, that had tied the knot in Vegas. She asked us to give them a round of applause. The circle of trash was now complete. Everyone gave a half-ass applause and did the "stand up before it's really time to stand up when the plane lands" thing. Thank you for flying with Six Flags, and welcome to Chicago.
I'm happy to be back, and can't wait for Beauty and the Geek to start on the WB. I think it's going to be my new Apprentice, so stay tuned for some choice commentary...
schrags